


I'm The Fastest Runner in Kindergarten, Baby.

by foldedchip



Category: Adventure Time
Genre: Alternate Universe - Kindergarten & Pre-school, Alternate Universe - Real World, Alternate Universe - School, But Tiffany is creative with his threats, Death Threats, Elementary School, Human Jake the Dog, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Kindergarten, M/M, Not Sure if This Qualifies as Graphic Depictions of Violence, One Shot, Princess Bubblegum is Principal Bubblegum, School Suspention, Short One Shot, Teacher's Pet, That One Kid Who Was Always Sent to the Back of the Class, Threats of Violence, Tiffany is my son, Tiffany is rowdy, Tiffany's just lonely, Tiffany's trans and y'all know it, Tiffinny, finn is my son, fluff at the end, i need more of this ship, of course
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 15:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20530184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foldedchip/pseuds/foldedchip
Summary: Tiffany and Finn are taken to Principal Bubblegum's office after a fight. It's not the first time.





	I'm The Fastest Runner in Kindergarten, Baby.

**Author's Note:**

> I need more of this ship. This is only the THIRD Tiffinny ship on the Archive! We need more people to contribute, even if it's just a short drabble! I love these two lil' boys, I hope you do, too!

Sitting patiently on a plastic chair outside of Principal Bubblegum’s office was Finn. He jogged his leg to pass the time, and to simply stimulate himself, and lazily glanced over crayon and marker scribbles framed in the hallway. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen them.

Aside from him, and separated by the door’s length, Tiffany picked at Band-Aids on his legs and arms, a scowl plastered to his face. His unkempt hair resembled hay stuck to his scalp in a halo of yellow frizz. Finn’s hair was neatly combed and conditioned under his eared hat and around his shoulders.

The door to Bubblegum’s office opened. Bubblegum ushered the boys in with a smile.

Old cutouts of candy clung to the pale pink walls with aged tape. A large, intricate gumball machine stood in the corner, reserved for students who’d earned tokens for good behavior. Vintage Pez dispensers shared a shelf with several photographs of a black-haired woman with the Principal herself.

Finn and Tiffany sat in two other chairs in front of Principal Bubblegum’s desk.

Bubblegum joined them across from the desk and rested her folded hands on the smooth surface.

“Finn, Tiffany, it’s a pleasure to see you both. How were your weekends?”

Finn opened his mouth to share when Tiffany snarled. It wasn’t especially intimidating, as he was missing several baby teeth.

“IT’LL BE A PLEASURE TO SEE  _ FINN _ ,” he jabbed a finger at the boy beside him, “BEING LOWERED INTO THE COLD GROUND! THE WIND WILL HOWL IN REMORSE FOR THE LAD’S UNTIMELY DEATH WHEN I’VE LACED HIS SPOILS OF SNACK TIME WITH  _ POISON _ !”

“Why don’t you just stab me? I would be more painful,” Finn replied calmly, “and you would be able to see the light fade from behind my eyes, and slurp my young, sweet blood from off of the ground. I know what you’re into, you tell me every day.”

Tiffany stomped his foot, “NO! THEN JAKE WILL  _ HATE _ ME. HE’LL KNOW THAT  _ I _ KILLED HIS WUSS OF A BROTHER!”

“Inside voices, Tiffany. We should be at a level 2 volume.” Bubblegum said, as though Tiffany’s shouting was the most alarming part of the situation.

Tiffany scrunched his face up until it turned red, shaking with fury.

Finn stared for a moment, expecting Tiffany to toss another threat his way, and then turned to the principal.

“Jake and I went camping.”

Bubblegum smiled warmly, “That sounds wonderful, Finn. Did you have a nice time?”

“Yep! It was mathematical! I heard  _ wolves _ .”

Tiffany sat down in his chair, fists quivering.

Bubblegum shifted her attention to Tiffany, “How was your weekend, Tiffany? Did you have any fun?”

Tiffany nodded, “I dreamt that I killed Finn.”

“Tiffany, go outside and wait on the chair.”

Tiffany dragged his feet out the door, but complied without hesitation.

However, he slammed the door hard enough to cause the entire room to rattle.

Bubblegum released a breath, “You said that he threatens you every day, correct?”

Finn nodded, fairly unconcerned.

Bubblegum shook her head, “That’s not okay. You should have told an adult.”

Finn nodded again, fidgeting with his hat and swinging his legs.

“How long has this been going on?”

“All year. I don’t mind it, though. I’m not scared of Tiffany.”

The principal leaned forward on her desk to get closer to Finn, studying him as if she would a scientific anomaly.

“But you put up with him anyway? Why didn’t you tell a teacher, or Jake?”

Finn shrugged, “I  _ said _ I don’t mind it. He’s never gonna do any of that stuff, anyway.”

Bubblegum drew her eyebrows together, “We take bullying very seriously here at Ooo. I don’t care if you aren’t afraid of Tiffany, his behavior is unacceptable. We won’t tolerate it here. Who started the fight on the playground?”

“Tiffany.”

Bubblegum picked up the phone on her desk, “Figures. I’m going to ask Jake to pick you up. Nurse Poundcake said that you were okay, right?”

Finn held out his arm to reveal a fresh Band-Aid. Nothing much, just a scratch.

Bubblegum nodded, “Okay. I’m so sorry, Finn. I don’t want you waiting outside with Tiffany, so I’m going to ask you to stay here while I call Jake and Tiffany’s foster parents. You can help yourself to the gumballs, I’ll get you a token.”

Finn shook his head, blond hair bouncing in tufts around his face, “No, thanks. I wanna see Tiffany.”

But Principal Bubblegum was already on the phone with Jake. Finn took it as an opportunity to leave.

He opened and closed the door and was met with Tiffany sitting on his old chair again.

Finn pulled the other chair closer and sat down in front of him.

Tiffany looked up with a growl, “What do  _ you _ want, teacher’s pet? You mangy dog-”

Finn smiled and place a small hand on Tiffany’s shoulder.

Tiffany jumped at the contact and scrambled to swat him away.

“Come eat lunch with me tomorrow, if you’re still at school.”

Tiffany’s expression morphed into one of pure horror, “WHAT?! GROSS! I HATE YOU!”

Finn shook his head, “No you don’t, and I know you don’t mean all that mean stuff you say.”

Tiffany glared at the carpet.

“I know you just like me and are scared to say it.”

Tiffany’s head shot up in fear. The look in his eye would be enough to startle even Finn, if he wasn’t so sure about what he was doing.

“It’s okay. I like you, too.”

Tiffany’s eyes glossed up a bit, but then he folded his arms.

“I don’t want everyone seeing us eating lunch together. Wanna go on the playground after school tomorrow? Or, whenever I can come back.”

Finn grinned, “Algebraic!”

He got off of his chair and wrapped his small arms around Tiffany.

It took him a moment to recover from the surprise, but Tiffany slowly pulled Finn into a hug.

**Author's Note:**

> Tiffany: HIS HAT? WACK. HIS GEAR? WACK. HIS TREEHOUSE? WACK. HIS FOOT STANCE? WACK. THE WAY THAT HE TALKS? WACK. HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS BROTHER? WACK.
> 
> Tiffany: ME? I'm tight as GLOB!!!
> 
> Thank you for reading! I love to hear from readers, whether it was something that you liked, a suggestion for what I should write next (those are really useful), or just saying "hello"! I hope that you all have a great day!
> 
> Also, if you like Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart, that's the fandom I write for most. Foldedchip is my name, family-friendly fic is my game.


End file.
